Want your kids to interview their grandparents?
Guest Post by Dawn M. Roode
“It’s so important to focus on creating relationships across generations. But don’t do it in an eat-your-broccoli kind of way. Do it because it’s one of the surest routes to happiness in our longer lives,” says Marc Freedman, author of How to Live Forever: The Enduring Power of Connecting the Generations.
Yes! Getting our kids and our parents to interact meaningfully—to spend quality time together, and to share stories—is a surefire way to bring smiles all around. And you know what else? It’s good for their health, too.
Studies show that emotional closeness between grandparents and grandchildren can protect against depression, boost brain function, and lead to a longer life for the elder. And that same close relationship can lead to benefits for the grandchild, too, including fewer emotional and behavioral problems and fewer difficulties with peers.
One of the best ways to jumpstart such a close relationship between the generations is to encourage your child(ren) to interview their grandparents. Grandparents are often a source of unconditional love for grandkids—and they are a vital repository of heritage and family history.
4 Ideas for Intergenerational Family History Interviews
Depending upon the age of your child, you may want to sit down together to come up with some questions they can ask their grandparents.
You can also download this free guide , which includes 45 themed questions designed specifically for a grandchild to ask their grandparents (along with bonus family history activities,tips for recording the interview, and a helpful history timeline). Colorfully designed and geared directly to your kids, this guide also helps set a tone that this is an enjoyable endeavor, not homework!
In the meantime, here are four helpful ideas to inspire interview questions for the grandparents:
Ask questions that invite laughter. Consider: “Grandma, tell me a secret.” “Pop-Pop, have you ever played a practical joke on someone?” “What’s the funniest thing my mom did when she was a little kid?” These questions are fun, and help establish a rapport and positive feeling around story sharing.
Ask questions that may illuminate lessons learned or family values. “Have you ever failed at something, Nonna? How did you deal with it?” “Zaydee, did you feel different after your bar mitzvah?” Or go the direct route: “What’s the most important lesson you have learned in your life, Nanny?” The idea here is to encourage stories that show the grandparent overcoming or dealing with something challenging—so that when their grandchild one day experiences something similar, they have real-life examples of resilience to reference. Encourage your child to ask follow-up questions that help get to the heart of the story—“and then what happened?” and “but WHY did you do that?” And encourage your parents to be open and to share specific stories from their life. (I bet things come up that even you’ve never heard!)
Get the grandparents talking about their feelings for their grandkids. Some questions your child might ask: “Do you have any funny stories about me from when I was a baby?” “What is your dream for me?” “Why do you love me?” What a gift you are giving both generations by encouraging such adoration to be shared!
Pull out some old photos to get the memories flowing. Dig around in your attic boxes or family albums and pull out a few strategic pictures that should prompt memories for your parents, then give them to your child before the interview. Whether their conversation happens in person or via Zoom, they can show their grandparent a picture to spark stories. Some ideas: a photo of your childhood home, of an old car, or of your parent doing something your child might not expect (such as playing a sport or dancing at a party).
Remember: This isn’t a mandatory project or school assignment. If you frame it as a fun way for your child to get to know their grandparent, he or she will be more eager to dive in.
You may even want to ask your parent to be the one initiating the conversation. They might say: “Hey, I got this really cool Kid Kit from a friend and would love if you use it to interview me!”
The biggest sign of success, in my opinion? When the first conversation goes off-track and multiple stories are shared around one or two questions only—that means there was plenty of back-and-forth, that stories were flowing, and that there are LOTS more questions for further conversations of the same nature. Imagine that?!
Dawn M. Roode is founder of Modern Heirloom Books , where as chief personal historian she interviews people to capture their stories in one-of-a-kind coffee table books. She strives to create “living heirlooms” that people engage with often—books that, rather than collecting dust on a shelf, are pulled out often to encourage ongoing story sharing and connection.